The Heart

To view or download the article, click here. :)

- The Muslim Reader, 2010 -

Wife of a Convert

I wrote this article about my parents for The Muslim Reader three years ago, which means  they have been married for 31 years now, alhamdulillah. This is the unedited version, but one day I will upload a scan of the published article, insya-Allah. I have been blessed with such wonderful parents, alhamdulillah, and I pray that Allah SWT blesses their marriage with happiness, keeping them together both in this life and the hereafter, ameen.

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Marrying a convert is certainly not easy, as Madam Hajjah Aisyah Abdul Kadir would attest to. Married for 28 years now with four children, her husband has been a convert since 1977. Nonetheless, despite the tribulations, there were many benefits as well as lessons to be learnt from the marriage. Here is her story as interviewed by Siti Syuhada Faizal.

How did you meet your husband?

I still remember that day clearly. It was 29 November 1975 and I was staying in a hostel at the nursing school. On that day, my friend introduced her male friend to me. As I was about to be engaged, I did not think much about that introduction. Never did I expect that he had fallen in love with me at first sight. Since that first encounter, he kept asking me out but I did not agree to it since he was a Catholic, and I, a Muslim. I told him that we were like the two poles – North and South – and that we could never be together. However, he was quite persistent and told me that whatever was impossible could be made possible.

How did he come to convert to Islam?

After that heart-to-heart talk with me, he took the initiative to learn about Islam at Jamiyah. Furthermore, his younger sister, who was married to a Malay/Muslim, was a convert as well. From there, he was able to find out more about Islam and conversion. At Jamiyah, he merely took up basic lessons regarding fardhu matters on which he was tested and he received a certificate of completion. After studying for quite some time, he invited me to study with him at Jamiyah and henceforth we attended classes together to learn more about Islam.

Having studied about Islam and understood more about it, he decided to convert. He had already noted the similarities between Catholicism and Islam. Yet, he came to believe that Islam was the true religion and the notion that there is no other God but Allah s.w.t and Muhammad p.b.u.h was his Prophet. Catholicism, on the other hand, was based on the Trinity and he was not able to come to terms with that. On 29 February 1977, he converted with his sister and his brother-in-law as his witnesses.

Being a Muslim, he then stopped eating Chinese food and even his mum’s cooking. He tried his best to fast during Ramadhan and was thankful that he had the support of his neighbour, a fellow convert, who cooked for him for sahur. As his father opposed the idea of conversion, he did not tell his parents that he had converted. He did his prayers in his room and locked the door so that his parents would not find out. Nevertheless, it did not take them long to guess and only his mother was understanding about it.

Did your parents accept you and your husband?

My parents were absolutely against our marriage and it took them 5 years after my wedding to accept us. The year after the conversion of my then husband-to-be proved to be testing. I had decided to break off my prior engagement to another man on 30 November 1978. However, my parents rejected my then husband-to-be’s proposal twice. Once, he was even chased out of the house with a broom!

Since my parents did not want to give their consent, my then husband-to-be went to Syariah Court to get help on marrying me. The officers there called my father and me up and helped to settle matters from there. They came to my house with a proposal which my parents finally accepted. After our wedding, there were still some qualms about accepting my husband and me in my family. In spite of that, I was not disheartened and I prayed to Allah s.w.t every day for my mother to find it in her heart to accept us. It also helped that my husband was a good man who was respectful to his elders and that made it easier for my parents to accept us.

What were some of the difficulties that you faced in the beginning?

At first, food was a problem for us. It took time for my in-laws to understand that the term “halal” was not just about “no pork, no lard”. Alhamdulillah, they made the effort to accommodate my husband and my dietary requirements whenever there was a family gathering at the in-laws. My mother-in-law made sure she bought chicken from the halal butchery or that the food she bought was from a Muslim stall.

When I stayed over at my in-laws place, having two religions in one house was difficult and required a lot of compromise between the two parties. It took them time before they got used to us praying five times a day.

Finally, being a convert, my husband was hesitant to be an ‘imam’ whenever it was time for prayers. It was also difficult for him to recite the Quran since he was not able to read Arabic. To further exacerbate matters, my religious knowledge was not much at that point of time. That made it difficult for us to build a strong marriage based on an Islamic foundation. We then made it a point to go for religious classes to deepen our religious knowledge.

Any words of advice for spouses of converts?

I would advise those who are marrying converts to have a solid religious foundation beforehand so as to be a positive influence on the spouse as well as their future children. After all, with the practice of Islam within the family, the couple will be able to sustain a blissful marriage while building a strong Muslim family concurrently, Insya-Allah.

If the convert is male, he should learn the practices of Islam in depth so that he can be the imam and khalifah of the household and be a role model for the children in the future. At the same time, the wife also needs to have sound religious knowledge so that she can bring up the children and run the household the Islamic way.

For those with in-laws who have yet to convert to Islam, it is advisable not to go into lengthy discussions about religion or attempt to convert them. Instead, treat them as one would another human being and respect their religion and customs. For example, we would bring our children to visit my Catholic in-laws during Christmas as a show of respect and also to strengthen ties between us.

At the end of the day, being the spouse of a convert, we need to remember to give our full support in everything they do as well as seek guidance together in times of uncertainty. Have patience with your spouse for being a good Muslim is a continual process of learning and understand that it will take time before he or she gets used to being a Muslim. Only with compromise and understanding can we then have a long-lasting marriage that is blessed by Allah s.w.t.

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Why Are We Not Getting Married?

To view or download the article, click here. :)

- The Muslim Reader, 2008 -

 

Best of Both Worlds

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- The Muslim Reader, 2008 -

 

A Lover's Plea

Let me be

The one whose heart

Is filled with love

For You and You alone

Let me be

The one whose mind

Is filled with thoughts

Of You and You alone

Let me be

The one whose body

Is filled with need

For You and You alone

Let me be

The one whose soul

Is filled with peace

By You and You alone

O Allah,

Grant this plea of mine,

A plea that seeks to twine

A lover with her Beloved

- Faizal, S. S., 2010 -

Reflections from Brunei Darussalam

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- The Muslim Reader, 2008 -

The Love in Giving

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- The Muslim Reader, 2008 -

The Blessed

How blessed are they,

Born with a silver spoon

In their mouth,

Never in need

Of anything

Except for

You.

How blessed are they,

Born with such beauty

In their being,

Never in need

Of anything

Except for

You.

How blessed are they,

Born with such intelligence

In their mind,

Never in need

Of anything

Except for

You.

How blessed am I,

Born with no wealth,

Beauty, nor intelligence,

Just so that

For my mere existence,

I can be grateful to

You.

- Faizal, S. S., 2010 -

An Excerpt from "The Heart" (2)

My heart

That has been given to the One and only

Who will always be there for me.

Yet my weak heart

Continues to be stricken with impurities

That threatens my love. 

- Faizal, S. S., 2010 -

Heroines in Islam

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- The Muslim Reader, 2009 -

5 Study Tips for Online Courses

I am currently volunteering as a teaching assistant for a new course at SeekersGuidance: Meccan Dawn: The Life of the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (registration is still open!) and I have just posted some study tips from which the students will hopefully be able to benefit, insha-Allah. Thought that I would post them here too :)

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Online classes are different from the usual “real-life” classes in that it is flexible—it can be done anywhere, especially in the comfort of your own home, and anytime to fit your busy schedule. However, this flexibility can easily become a disadvantage if you are not careful with developing an effective method of learning. Here are some tips (in the following chronological order) that you can keep in mind so as to benefit the most out of online courses, insha-Allah. 

1) Intend

It is important to have the right intention when taking any action, so the first thing that you have to ask yourself would be, “Why am I taking this course?” If your answer is anything but along the lines of seeking knowledge that will benefit yourself in this life and the hereafter or to get closer to Allah SWT, then take a moment to reflect and rethink your intentions. If you truly seek knowledge with pure and sincere intentions (ikhlas), insha-Allah He will facilitate things for you as you embark on this jihad to seek knowledge. Having sincere intentions will also give you the motivation to be disciplined and persevere when the going gets tough, insha-Allah.

2) Listen

After ensuring that you have the right intentions, it is now time to take the right actions. Set aside a consistent time period in the week to listen to the audio lectures, so that it will be like a regular weekly class. In this way, you would not have an excuse to procrastinate and fall behind on the lessons. More importantly, don’t just be a passive listener; engage in active listening by paying attention, taking down key points, and thinking critically about what you are listening to. Active listening will not only help you to encode the information better in your memory, and hence, making it easier to retain and retrieve it when you need it, but it will also help you to formulate meaningful questions that could possibly benefit everyone when you ask the instructor, insha-Allah.

3) Participate

Active listening would be futile if you do not participate actively in your online course by asking critical questions and contributing your ideas, perspectives, and comments on the subject that you are learning. After all, just because it is an online class, it does not mean that learning has to be an individual endeavour. It is in your best interest to participate regularly in the online forums or discussions with the instructor and other students; not only is it an excellent way to ask questions and get answers, it also helps you to develop the feeling that you are part of a real class, which could help you to stay motivated and disciplined to keep on track with your learning. With active participation, everyone can gain great insights from one another, much like in a real class, insha-Allah. 

Best of all, as participation is done online with an element of anonymity, you do not have to feel intimidated or upstaged by students who can think or speak faster than you like in a real-life class; you can take all of the time you need to think your ideas through and compose a response before posting your comments to your class. Thus, never hesitate to ask questions if you need clarifications about what you are learning and to participate in class discussions. Nonetheless, even with online anonymity in these forums, it is important to maintain adab, or the proper etiquette of politeness and respect when interacting with your classmates and instructors. Adab is necessary for a productive and conducive online learning environment, and you will find that your participation will be much valued by the instructor and other students, insha-Allah. 

4) Review

Active listening and participation in your course means that half of the battle is won, insha-Allah. The next step would be to review consistently what you have learned as the weeks go by. This is important for several reasons: first, so that it will refresh your memory and facilitate remembering in the future what you have learned, i.e., you will not forget easily what you have learned; second, so that you will be able to spot any important issue or question that you might have overlooked in the past and bring it up to the instructor and your classmates before it is too late; and third, so that you will be able to reflect upon what you have learned. Remember, you are looking to encode the knowledge that you have learned into your long-term memory, and not just in your short-term memory; consistent reviews will help you to do that, insha-Allah. 

5) Apply

Lastly, find ways to apply what you have learned to everyday life situations as this will help you to internalize what you are learning, thereby ensuring that you are truly benefiting from the knowledge that you are seeking, insha-Allah. Don’t forget to contribute and exchange ideas on such real-life applications of knowledge with your classmates via the online forums or discussions available so that everyone, including you, will be able to benefit from the experiences of one another, insha-Allah.

These tips are certainly not exhaustive and as you gain more experience with online courses, you might just come up with your own tips on achieving success with them. May Allah SWT help guide us in our efforts to seek knowledge, and as the du’a goes, fill our hearts and minds with true enlightenment, discerning intelligence, quick understanding, and knowledge, ameen. 

Siti Syuhada: My Lady of the Martyrs

Over the years, many have asked me about the meaning of my name, and I have always enjoyed telling a mini-story to accompany my response to that question. It was only a couple of years ago that I had found out my first name <Siti> meant <my lady> in Arabic, or a title for a noble woman; I had always taken for granted that it was a common first name for girls in Singapore and never bothered to check what it meant. Imagine how pleased I was to find out that people have been calling me their "Lady" all this while, masha-Allah!

My middle name <Syuhada>, however, gets reactions that lie on a continuum of "amazement" to "awkwardness". In Arabic, <Syuhada> is the plural of <Syahid>, a noun which has two meanings: 1) a witness (to the truth of Islam) 2) a martyr who has sacrificed his life in jihad fi sabilillah, or in striving in the way of Allah. With suicide bombers being the most popular stereotype of Muslim martyrs in the media, it can get rather awkward when I tell people what my middle name means. A stereotype is, as always, a misconstrued concept as the syuhada in Islam comprise many kinds and not just those who die at war, e.g., even mothers who die at childbirth; giving birth is said to be a jihad for the risks a mother takes to bring a child into the world require so much courage that should she die, she deserves a place in heaven just like the warriors who had fought and died for Allah SWT or the early Muslims who refused to renounce their religion and had to die for that, may Allah SWT be pleased with all of them. Many would be surprised to know that seeking knowledge is a form of jihad, or struggle, too. Even then, one can hardly be surprised at the reactions to me being called <my lady of the martyrs>. Once, a Palestinian read my name card and immediately chuckled, asking me if I knew what my name meant; I could only give a wry smile in response and nod knowingly.

I was to have been named <Siti NurJannah>, which would have meant <my lady of the light of heaven>, but my cousin had suggested to my parents to name me after her friend who shares the same birthday as me, hence the current name. While I am grateful for that, alhamdulillah, I do wonder how I would turn out if I had been named something else. Other girls get named after flowers, adjectives of beauty and gentleness etc., and I get such a strong name that would be extremely hard to live up to, for one can only imagine the prestige of being the lady of the martyrs, all of whom have been promised a place in heaven for sacrificing their lives in the way of Allah SWT. Indeed, Allah SWT knows best and may He guide me to live up to my name, ameen.

The Hijab

A friend of mine (one of my newfound Muslim buddies, alhamdulillah) came over to my place today to borrow my scientific calculator for her stats exam, and one of the first things she said was, "Hey, you're hijab-less!" This made me chuckle and reminded me of a recent discussion outside* the mosque about the questions people had asked us about the hijab, or headscarf. These questions can range from the ludicrous--Do you sleep/shower with the scarf on? Do you have to wear it at home? Is it hot wearing the scarf?**--to the oft-awkward--Why doesn't every Muslim girl wear the headscarf?--and they can most certainly put you in a spot as you try to gauge how serious they are in asking these questions, even the ones that you think are silly, just so that you can give them an appropriate response. I have been relatively fortunate thus far, alhamdulillah, to have very few of such encounters; perhaps my serious, no-nonsense countenance deters many from asking questions that even they would deem to be silly. It is nonetheless a blessing to be able to answer any questions that are asked with the pure intention of satisfying one's curiosity about my religion, and I have had my fair share of those, which have often led to lovely and enlightening discussions, alhamdulillah.

All jokes aside, it really would not be fair to ridicule these people for their ignorance. Have we, in the first place, tried to create awareness about the hijab, or share with people our experiences? Let us all be generous to a fault and subscribe to the notion that no question can be too stupid; at the very least, we can correct people's misperceptions about the hijab, or even the religion, for the moment we choose to wear the hijab, we have become by default ambassadors of Islam. It is a huge responsibility that goes beyond a head-covering and encompasses all of our outerwear as well as every aspect of our behavior. May Allah SWT continue to help all of us in our efforts, ameen.

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*A falsely-triggered fire alarm led us to evacuate the mosque and engage in discussions to amuse ourselves while the firemen looked for a non-existent fire.

** The answer to those questions is "No".

An Excerpt from "The Heart"

It all begins in the heart;

No one but Him

Sees my heart for what it really is.

It all begins in the heart;

No one but Him

Hears my thoughts for what they really are.

It all begins in the heart;

No one but Him

Says the truth for what it has always been.

It all begins in the heart,

The unsaid, unseen, and unheard

Between you and Him.

- Faizal, S. S., 2010 -

The Grateful

A sigh

As the time for judgment

Draws nigh

A whimper

As the faithless could do nothing

But surrender

A cry

As the unwise did all but fail

To try

A smile

As the grateful sees all to be

Worthwhile

A prostrate

As the storms of the heart

Abate

- The Muslim Reader, in press -